A lot has changed since I was 16. For one thing I was 5″5 and 120lbs. Now at 21 I’m 5″7 and 210lbs. I was maintaining my weight at 200lbs from January of this year to 5 weeks ago when I last weighed myself.
I decided that the approach I’d now take to weight loss would be to just cut down on the amount of food I was eating and not weigh myself until the end of the quarter. But that’s not gone to plan.
I felt like I’d gained weight, so this morning I weighed myself and I’ve gained 10lbs in 5 weeks. The opposite of what I want. It could be because I went through an extremely stressful time recently, or it could be because I’m using different scales now. But it’s probably because I’ve been over eating without realising.
Along the way there were certain points in gaining weight that I thought would be the point that would cause me to turn it around. Being overweight for the first time in my life, then being obese for the first time in my life, hitting 200lbs for the first time in my life. But something about 210lbs, 15 stone, has just hit me in a different way.
It’s filled me with rage. At my life circumstances for making it so I’ve not got full control over what I eat (long story, not important, this will change in a couple of weeks). At myself for letting it get to this point. Very clearly I didn’t want it enough. I didn’t try hard enough.
Honestly deep down I had no belief in myself. Every single time I’ve tried to lose weight from being 16 (when I had no business losing weight) to now, I have failed and gained more. The biggest success was the first 6 months of the year when I maintained for the first time in years.
But now I’m more motivated than ever. And honestly thinking logically and less with emotion, all is not lost. I need to lose 35lbs by the end of the year to reach my goal, that’s only 1.66lbs a week. If I lose 2lbs a week I’ll smash it.
I never want to go through this again and I want it to last for as short amount as possible (while not crash dieting). So that motivates me as well.
But yeah tl;dr- hit a weight I never thought I’d see, apparently this was my breaking point to motivate me for real