So… I know I am obese. I weight 268.96 lbs and my BMI is 40.1 right now. I am aware that this is bad. I was aware when it was a lot better than that. But, you know the feeling – eh, I can start tomorrow.

Until this weekend. We went on our vacation and visited an amusement park. This particular park is very important to me since my fiancé and me went there on our first vacation 10 years ago. I was thrilled to be there again and to do ALL the rides we did back then. And then… I sat down into the test seat of our favorite ride from last time. And well… It was HARD to close the seatbelt. I never had any problems when we were there before. But now – even the XXL seat was almost too small for me.

To my relief, I could close the belt and the grip with some help of my fiancé – who was a really good sport for putting up with my problems and helping me whenever I had problems to close belts and grips. I was able to enjoy all the rides we went on when we were 16 and freshly in love – but it got me thinking.

Why did I let it get out of hand? Why do I never stick to my plans? Why am I always throwing the towel whenever I fail to see quick results?

The answer is simple. I am always too hard on myself. I put myself down for every little mistake I make and I forget the most important thing: That if I treat myself with more kindness, I am more likely to see results. Kids and dogs learn better when you give them positive reinforcement instead of yelling at them for mistakes. So that's gonna be my new take.

I know this road won't be easy. But heck, what has been easy in life? You have to work hard to earn the results. And don't those results actually feel better when you have been working for them?

Even though my mental health may make this journey difficult on some days, unbearable even, I am ready to face my demons and to work on myself. Not only because I am upset, but also because I want to get better at stuff I really enjoyed when I was fitter (like hiking, jogging and climbing). I may need to train my patience and my kindness, but I am willing to work on myself until I feel happy and content with who I am. Both on the physical and the mental side of this problem.

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